


Relax, Take It Easy

by orphan_account



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Kinda, M/M, coming to terms with sexuality, give me a read
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-21
Updated: 2018-10-21
Packaged: 2019-08-05 08:08:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16364096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Andrew doesn't like the idea of Garrett having a panic attack.





	Relax, Take It Easy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hmmwatt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hmmwatt/gifts).



> have not edited this - wrote this on a whim after garebear's new video  
> this is fiction, but i fucking love them, so  
> this is for hmmwatt because i love their work and they put a lot of dedication into contributing to this ship on ao3, so bless them, go read their works

After six months of living in complete and utter garbage, Garrett Watts finally decided to get his life under control again. He’d started filming his 24 hour video one whole month ago, Andrew wasn’t surprised that he’d taken such a long break, but he did surprise himself by not checking in on his friend. 

Garrett texted him to come over for the reveal video earlier that day, it had been weeks since he last came over to film the opening — and he wasn’t expecting to see Shane standing by Garrett when he arrived. Andrew and Garrett’s chat room had been almost constantly on radio silence, they hadn’t really texted recently, not while Andrew had been kept up in Morgan’s apartment (Shane’s office) to finish editing the last part of their Jake Paul series. He hadn’t even thought of checking in on Garrett, there was always too much on his mind. 

But he regrets that now, he regrets not giving him a call, regrets not building up enough courage to break to silence and ask to come around again, or if Garrett wanted to pop in to Morgan’s and see the dogs while he’s at it. He regrets not asking if his best friend was okay, if he was still feelinggood about his video, or even if he needed help cleaning up. He’d been an asshole to him for the past month.

Which, for the record, was _not_ like Andrew Siwicki at all. He’d just been too caught up to think about anything else other than is the footage they’re deciding to keep in for Jake even appropriate for their viewers. Fuck, he’d messed up bad.

He laughed when he arrived, he acted normal, acted like Andrew would and tried to pretend that there wan’t the burning of guilt deep in his belly. He was trying his best to keep the bright smile plastered on his face. Garrett didn’t seem to notice, too occupied with Andrew’s opinions and handling the camera. Shane did, of course he did. 

Andrew went about outside pointing at all the different things Garrett had decided to throw away, he was looking for all the things he’d gifted Garrett over the years, all the things that he’d personified over the course of their friendship; the things that meant something to him too, that to him, symbolised their friendship in one way or another. Andrew spotted a red body among the rubble, he quickly stepped over to it and dragged it out from underneath a shelf. 

“Garrett, you can’t throw him away, it’s you—“ Andrew let out a shrill laugh, “with your ribbon!” 

He held up the green and red elf, the one with beady little eyes that always made Andrew’s stomach hurt from laughter, it looked creepy but in a faulty way; it was literally Garrett Watts as a Christmas decoration. And also something Andrew cherished within their friendship. He’d even got a hoodie with the elf printed on it, then continued to proudly wear it around in public as if labelling himself as Garrett’s. He’d almost felt like he was wearing one of those couple sweatshirts, the ‘if lost return to ___’ and ‘i’m ___’ ones. And it had felt good, weirdly, to be apart of Garrett’s property. 

Did he own him? Garrett sure does own a fraction of Andrew, after being in his life for so long it’s inevitable that he’s given a little part of himself away to the taller man, whether or not that was a subconscious thing it was almost like a promise; here you take a bit or me, I’ll take a bit of you, and that way we can’t leave each other or else one of us won’t be completely whole. 

_We need each other._

The only question remaining was if that was a negative thing? Was Andrew just setting himself up to be badly hurt in the future? He’d hope not.

Garrett’s smile faltered, “Oh shit, you’re right. Shane, I gotta keep him, I didn’t even see him go out here.” he looked over to the ginger as if needing validation or permission to take back his belonging. Shane just shrugged, he didn’t mind — if it was important enough for Garrett to beg then it must be worthy of a spot in the house.

“Thank god,” Andrew admitted with a hand over his chest, feeling his heartbeat which only proved that he was going mad, “Thought that little guy was going to the thrift store for a second.”

Andrew saw Garrett’s realisation slowly show on his face, he’d picked up on it, although Andrew had tried to be gentle, he’d seen it through his words; the desperation, the neediness, the reminder, the promise, and all through a stuffed elf. 

“No, I wouldn’t dare. Means too much to me.” Garrett said quietly, looking at Andrew, only paying attention to him. Those words were entirely for him, it was Garrett trying to reassure him of something and yet Andrew didn’t know what _that_ was. Andrew was beginning to feel severely uncomfortable again. 

They went inside after that, all of them silently wishing Shane hadn’t been there to witness whatever subconsciously gay confession went down — not that Andrew was gay. The subject was a touchy one, definitely one Andrew hadn’t explored before but he’d always stuck to breasts, ever since he was in year six and scored his first girlfriend. 

From then on he’d just presumed that girls were the way to go, for him anyway. Having a gay best friend didn’t change anything, admittedly it took time for him to get used to. He’d never been homophobic, he couldn’t even try to be; for almost all his life he’d constantly had a homosexual in his presence. Garrett had been his best friend for almost four years, he’s gay, Andrew had spent a few months living with some vine friends, two of them were gay, he then spent a little over half a year living with two YouTubers, they were both lesbians. It had never been an option for him to dislike the idea of two members of the same sex going at it, the idea slotted itself into Andrew’s life without him even knowing. 

But being with Garrett for so long did get some getting used to. He’d been the only gay man in Andrew’s life that caused worry in him, Andrew had spent the second year of their friendship in his own little crisis, which was caused solely by Garrett Watts, Internet Personality. He’d constantly be anxious about where their boundary was, always wondering things like will this turn him on, should I touch him less, is he secretly attracted to me and am I unknowingly cock-blocking him? 

They were all self-centred questions, Andrew knew, but he just couldn’t help it when he paid attention to the way Garrett looked at him during videos. Editing was the worst part when it came to those things. Sometimes he’d go frame by frame and examine Garrett’s facial expressions whenever he was looking beyond the lens, looking at Andrew’s face. And Andrew swore his expression was always brighter, eyes always happier, smile always wider whenever it was Andrew laughing at him, or Andrew focusing on him, or Andrew doing anything involving Garrett. He couldn’t help the way it made his heart flutter either. 

It was stupid too, because his life wasn’t some kind of movie, it wasn’t going to end happily. He knew that. It never does, and he doesn’t get heart-eyes whenever he sees Garrett, he doesn’t have sweaty palms and want to spontaneous kiss the man; he just doesn’t. It doesn’t work like that, not yet. But the symptoms of affection for the man were too obvious for him to ignore anymore, it was annoying and shameful and seemingly inevitable. 

And if only it was as simple as it is in the movies, where they both mutually understand their connection and one of them brings the flowers and the other surprises them at the airport in the rain before take off; and then they make out and the credits roll, with no real sit down discussion about what the fuck their relationship even is. Because that’s the reality of it, a long-ass conversation about what’s going on and who feels what. 

Andrew was yearning for one of those with Garrett, yet he was the most nervous person on the planet and he would not be able to last five minutes talking about his supposedly non-heterosexual feelings for Garrett before feeling intense internal cringe and fleeting. It wasn’t fun to think about, it wasn’t cute, it wasn’t sweet either, it was like a weight on his shoulders.

Andrew had opted with just waiting until either it became too hard to deal with anymore, or he’d become to obviously obsessed with Garrett that he took the liberty to start the conversation for him. And hopefully put him back into his straight man line. 

Andrew was glad Garrett caught his reaction to the unicorn on film, it would be heartwarming to look back on later. He’d given it to Garrett for his 29th birthday, it had been neither cheap or expensive, and he’d walked past the little store one day on the way to his gym, it had caught his eye immediately and he’d known then and there that Garrett would love it. He did love it, apparently, for last time he’d visited it had been tucked in his bed; quite possibly more symbolism referring to their oddly romantic relationship, and now it was sitting high upon a self looking down on the very same bed, looking over Garrett whilst he slept (if he ever did).

Andrew felt that one in his chest, a twang on one of his heart strings. Fucking hell, stop that.

They filmed for a little longer, it was already late, before they all ended up lounging on the couch testing out the new projector on the wall. Shane tapped his arm whilst Garrett and Ryland argued over which movie to watch first, they were both equally as excited for this was the firs time Garrett could mentally manage having all of them over to his house. 

“Come out with me for a sec,” Shane was now tugging on Andrew’s elbow, he reluctantly got up, “We won’t be long.” he waved to Morgan.

Andrew trailed through the door after Shane, he was suspecting Shane to hand him a camera and film some type of surprise whilst still at Garrett’s, but that never came. Instead Shane led him around the back of the house, the lights hanging off the wooden fence illuminating the edges of Shane, making him look like a god with the door to heaven shining from behind him. They stood there facing each other in silence whilst Shane took a few breaths and began his sentence multiple times.

“Okay—so, I feel obliged to tell you this because, well you know, you mean a lot to Garrett,” Andrew watched Shane’s mouth as the words came out steadily, “but he, uh, he’s been really struggling recently and—“

“I know.”

Andrew’s mouth betrayed him, he hadn’t meant to admit that.

Shane didn’t look taken back though, he didn’t even look surprised. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, I was supposedly to go see him so many times, but I couldn’t do it—no, well, I forgot to. This whole series with Jake got my mind caught up.” Andrew wasn’t even sure why he was trying to make his excuses believable, Shane Dawson knew almost everything about everyone. He was a fixer, he was able to identify different emotions in people, even when they may not be aware of them. And right now, Shane knew to call bullshit.

“You haven’t even bothered to text? Call?”

There wasn’t any tension in his voice, Shane kept it calm, he wasn’t accusing or blaming Andrew of anything, not just yet. Andrew still felt the sting of guilt and hurt in his stomach, he didn’t know if he was ready for this talk yet; why he’d been avoiding Garrett. Why he’d _really_ been avoiding him.

“No.” Andrew replied quietly, he was ashamed now, not of his thoughts towards his best friend, but for neglecting him. Then something in Andrew unravelled, he spilled out, “I’m sorry, I know I fucked up, I know, I didn’t mean it.”

Shane pursed his lips at Andrew, his eyebrows meant he pitied him, he was trying his best to help Andrew and Garrett mend whatever had broken between them, and it was proving to be difficult and confusing. 

“Andrew, it’s okay, don’t apologise to me. He just wanted to know if he’d done something wrong, though he didn’t send me out here to talk to you or anything, I’m doing this on my own accord.” Shane said softly, he rested a hand on Andrew’s bare arm.

His palm was warm on his skin, Andrew slowly noticed that it was cold outside, yet he was burning up inside with embarrassment and fear. There was a soft breeze disrupting the once calm leaves on the trees surrounding Garrett’s house fence. It would have been wonderfully peaceful outside, with the stars out, too far away from the city to be damaged by light pollution, yet it wasn’t because Andrew was uncomfortable, he was nervous and sad. Sad because he’d fucked up bad, he’d mistreated Garrett as a friend and took him for granted for an entire month, possibly longer, he decided not to delve too far into his memory for avoiding Garrett wasn’t the only thing that littered that path; unhealthily worshipping him was down there too.

Maybe that was the root of his problem; he liked Garrett too much to the point where his feeble mind couldn’t comprehend where to place his unwanted affection for the man. Maybe that’s what he was avoiding all along.

“He talked to you about this?” he asked nervously, not too sure on whether or not he even wanted to hear the answer. Had he damaged Garrett to the point where he was left to seek comfort from their mutual friends, behind his back? Did he offend Garrett so badly that he no longer felt comfortable going to him about his problems? Oh, God. Andrew couldn’t think of anything worse.

Shane shifted don his feet, “It was too much for him to handle, Andrew—the house and the mess and all the stuff he felt so attached to. He was stuck in his own world and when we tried to change it up, he just lost it.”

His words were worrying Andrew, he had no idea what Shane was referring to. He’d always known Garrett liked control within disown lifestyle but how had he lost it?

“What are you talking about. Are you still talking about m—“

“He had a panic attack.” Andrew froze, he was looking into Shane’s eyes now, “It was his first. It took five minutes before I realised it was happening. He was suffering for five whole minutes, Andrew. Not knowing what the hell was happening to him.”

Andrew didn’t let himself cry, he didn’t even let his eyes tear up, he kept his body stiff and his face blank. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, it was hurting him, his fingertips tingled, his bottom lip threatened to quiver with dread. What a terrible thing to come out of someone’s mouth, ‘Garrett Watt’s had a panic attack’. What a horrendous thing to hear raw from beyond someone’s teeth. Andrew felt sick.

“Whoa—Andr—are you okay? Hey,” Shane pushed his fingers into the meat of his bicep, he kept him standing steady on the grass, “It’s okay, he’s fine now, Andrew, he’s fine now, you saw him, he’s all good,” words were running endlessly out of Shane’s mouth, all trying to calm Andrew down from his momentary spiralling. 

“Wha—what did he say? What happened?” Andrew didn’t know what he wanted to know about Garrett’s panic attack, he could hardly even register it in his brain. Funny, witty, friendly, nice, sweet, fluffy, loud, Hufflepuff Garrett had been triggered severely enough to lapse into a panic attack, one in which no one noticed until five minutes in. And Andrew hadn’t even been there to help, he’d been on his phone flicking through contacts pretending to not see Garrett’s name under ‘W’.

“He was super quiet at first, just said he needed some air outside, but then we heard him gasping, as if he was choking, kinda like what Cheeto sounds like when he’s gagging. And we came outside and he was scratching at his throat begging for breath, the skin was all red, he started to cr—“

“Shut up. Stop. Don’t continue.” Andrew put his hands up by his head, resting his wrists on his temples as his chin dropped to his chest, he couldn’t hear the rest. He regretted that too, asking. Shane took his hands off of him once he’d started to shake his arms. “I’m sorry, I can’t hear that.”

“I think it was because you weren’t there.”

_Fuck off, don’t make this harder on me. I don’t want you to confirm my suspicions, Shane._

“Just because, I don’t know, after you guys became friends all of his big life changes have been with you by his side, but after you began distancing yourself and with his massive transition into true adulthood, you weren’t there to guide him through it this time.” 

_I said shut up._

Now Andrew really was going to be sick. There was a horrible lump in his throat, it felt too big to swallow around, or breath around for that matter. It felt like all of his saliva was being absorbed by it, like a sponge, and it grew with each of Andrew’s efforts to rid of it. Perhaps this was yet another symbol, Garrett was the lump in his throat; he’d sure caused the lump.

“Okay, um, I’m going. Garrett is—I’ll talk to him.” he took a step and looked Shane in the eye one more time before turning away back towards the house, Shane rose his voice over the feet of grass between them.

“Andrew. I’m not saying I condone you having to be there every time Garrett makes a change in his life, but I think this time he learnt some things about himself he hadn’t known prior to tonight, and it would have been easier for him to accept them if you’d been there with him.”

Andrew was deliberately talking short, slow steps, just in case Shane had more to say. 

He’d already confirmed everything he’d been wondering, screw being selfish, it had been the truth all along. Andrew had taken a step back in their relationship, he’d been scared of what it would became if they carried on being so comfortable around each other, Andrew later acknowledged that he’d been jealous when Jeffree was clinging onto Garrett, and that the ‘distraction’ Megan had been accusing him of having was indeed his gay best friend. It had always been Garrett causing him his own pain, always been him unknowingly encouraging Andrew to indulge in his unwanted desires, to touch, share warmth, _be._

“He loves you, you know.” Shane said, lastly. It sounded like a warning.

Andrew’s breath hitched, he stood there holding it in — making his chest ache, whilst looking down at his Nike shoes. There it was, that was it, the entire time. That’s all it had ever been.

He’d been trying to avoid facing his love for Garrett Watts.

“Thank fuck. I was afraid I’d have to quit the squad.”

Shane laughed then, it was brightening and loud. It was joyous. It made Andrew feel better. Shane was audibly happy for the two of them (Andrew almost wished he could see his face too but he couldn’t risk turning around now, his cheeks were wet), he’d sewn back the rip in their blanket.

The night carried on, Shane entered the house casually as if he and Andrew hadn’t just had a heated discussion outside subtly revolving around whether or not Andrew returned Garrett’s feelings. And Andrew decided it was about time he and Garrett let the cat out of the bag.

They both made their way into his bedroom and closed the door behind them, Shane would cover for them. Neither of them had to worry about being overhead due to the loudness of James McAvoy’s terrible American yelling in Wanted in the other room. They were side by side on the new and improved bed, Garrett’s knee grazing Andrew’s, both in shorts.

“Did he tell you?” Garrett asked, looking directly at Andrew’s face. Well, straight to the point it was. Andrew better buckle up.

“Yeah,” Andrew fessed up, the guilt was still burning within, it was now or never, “Garrett, I’m so fucking sorry.”

Garrett gaped slightly, his instinct took over, “Andrew, no, don’t be.” then after a moment, “Wait, about what?”

Could he make it though this? Andrew had been dreading this for months, without even knowing it, he’d never wanted to be in this situation. Because the most likely outcome was not ideal; it included uncomfortableness and mental punishment, and questioning, and probably _more_ distancing, and Andrew didn’t want any of those things anymore. His mind continuously reminded him that life was not like the movies, not all couples end up happily ever after. 

He was never supposed to experience these things with another man, that wasn’t who he was supposed to grow up as; gay. It just wasn’t his fate, so when these road blocks hit him hard in the face, he’d immediately mistaken them for something else. How could it be that he was legitimately feeling something other than friendship with a male? How could it be that he _wanted_ to have something other than friendship with a—but no, not just any male, with Garrett Watts? Only him. 

Yet here he was, sitting face to face with someone whom he’d just come to terms with crushing on for months, almost completely willing to confess. It was scaring the living shit out of him.

“For being so rude to you, f-for ignoring you and avoiding you, and being the worst friend in the entire world. I’m sorry, Garrett.” he tried to say it as sincerely as possible, it wasn’t hard, his voice sounded bubbly because of the still present lump in his throat; because of Garrett. It all boiled down to him, didn’t it? Garrett had caused this entire crisis Andrew was still thrashing his way though, looking for the light at the end of the tunnel, which just so happened to lead Andrew’s mind into thinking about the way light reflected in Garrett’s pure, sky-blue eyes. Damn him.

“Oh, no, Andrew, honestly—“ Garrett took a deep breath and dropped Andrew’s gaze, “It was partially my fault too, you’re not to take the blame. We were both going through stuff.”

If he was referring to Andrew’s “stuff” as being editing Shane’s series, then he was mistaken. Garrett had now officially been the “stuff” he was going through — still is, he’s still suffering.

“No but it’s different, you were going through something more than just editing a video, dude.” Andrew hoped that _that was_ what he’d been talking about, “You were transitioning lifestyles, and I was being a dick throughout that entire process. I’m really sorry for that, I can’t, I’ll make it up to you.”

The blonde smiled at him now, the first smile since entering the bedroom. “You sure can. Starbucks tomorrow at ten, meet me at the corner with the chipped postbox.”

Andrew was taken back, he felt the corner of his lips tug up at the sight of a happy Garrett, relieved he whispered, “That’s it? No cash? No beating?”

“Of course, you made an oops by being distracted by Jake Paul, I made an oops by not going to you for help like I usually do. I mean, not that I entirely knew at the time that I even needed help, but I broke our routine. So we’re in this together.”

This was getting out of hand, they were starting to talk about two different things. Garrett still didn’t seem to have any idea, and if he was aware, he was choosing to hide that from Andrew.

“No, that’s not—I wasn’t distracted by Shane’s videos.” Megan was entirely correct. Why was it that everyone in Andrew’s life, except for him, was always right?

“Huh?” Garret turned his chin back to Andrew, their eyes met again. Brown flashed against blue. 

_Why does he have to have such nice eyes, it’s not fair. He’s been setting me up from the very beginning._

“I—uhm, listen,” Andrew threaded his fingers together and placed them in his lap, otherwise Garrett might notice the shake in them, “I-I need to come clean with something, s-something shitty I’ve done.”

“Other than running away from me?” Garrett said it playfully, but Andrew replied without a laugh.

“Something other than that,” Garrett’s smile dropped, “Uhh, so I… fuck.”

“Shane’s videos weren’t the things distracting me from distancing myself from you.” Andrew let there be time for Garrett to add his input but he remained silent, listening intently, “It was actually you, you were the thing distracting me.” 

Another useless pause, this time so that Andrew doesn’t slip into a nervous breakdown, “I don’t understand?” Garrett said quietly, as if he too was scared of the truth being said aloud. It seemed that neither of them were ready to admit what had been hanging in the air since February.

He considered bringing up the panic attack in depth for a moment, but pushed it away almost immediately. He wasn't most definitely not ready to handle hearing Garrett try and explain himself, not after he'd suffered through pure panic like that without Andrew even knowing a about it happening. Andrew knew he was fully gone once he realised that the thought, or idea, or visual of Garrett in pain inflicted pain on himself. There was no way around it, he wouldn't bring it up. He would wait until speaking about it again, once the two of them had a few days to air out the memory (especially Garrett, less so Andrew).

Andrew let himself laugh now, because why the fuck not? It had just dawned on him, no, his life wasn’t like a movie. He wasn’t going to always get the girl, or the boy in this situation, he wasn’t going to be standing outside of someone’s house at two in the morning with rain water soaking his hair, flowers in hand, begging to be let back into their life. That wasn’t going to happen; he wasn’t going to let that happen. Because he was living his life right now, sitting in a once mouldy room with who at the moment felt like the love of his life sitting by his side, touching knees with him, waiting for him to explain his stuttering. And if he had only one chance to express himself to Garrett, he was bloody hell going to do it right.

“I’ve gone and fallen in love with you.”

_What a cheesy line._ Was Andrew’s first thought afterwards.

“You haven’t.” Garrett was smiling widely, he didn’t sound like he really believed himself (that was a massive positive), Andrew felt like he could finally breathe again. No late night flights today.

“I have, and I’ve been scared of it, I’d denied it, I’ve done everything any straight man could do to try not to fall in love with their best friend.”

It seemed Andrew’s confidence was running wild now that Garrett was looking at him as if he was Chris Evans. He was smiling too, teeth bared and all, he was insanely happy. The lump had disappeared, though his hands still shook — possibly this time with excitement. 

“Can I tell you a secret?”

He was still seemingly glowing towards Andrew, so it mustn’t be bed.

“Please.”

Garrett’s eyes flicked between Andrew’s left and right irises, probably trying to determine which one was a darker shade of brown. Boring compared to Garrett’s lively ones.

“I’m in love with you, too. Have been since twenty-sixteen.”

It wasn’t ‘I love you’ as in I love the thought of you, I love you as a brother, as a friend, as a mate, it wasn’t ‘I love you but I don’t want anything more’. It was _in_ love. Garrett Watts is _in_ love with Andrew. In, currently, presently, desperately, hopelessly _in_ love with Andrew.

_Garrett Watts is in love with me._

_I’m in love with Garrett Watts._

**Author's Note:**

> i know i always orphan these because im kinda scared to be shamed on my acc (stupid i know, ill stop orphaning soon), but i still come back and check on the feedback so please dont hold back <3 ily thank you


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